"He's just not that into you"

I read this article in the ToI about this book that was a rage in the US.The book was "He's just not that into you" by Greg Behrendt. The book was instrumental in cracking the codes that guys used to camouflage the truth about their relationships.It became so popular that the essence of it was adapted into the series 'Sex and the City'. Also, Oprah Winfrey decided to give the book a coverage on her show.Though I missed the 'Sex and the City' episode I got to watch the Oprah Winfrey show.And it was quite an eyeopener for the women who had found themselves in situations which screamed aloud about their guys that "He's just not that into into you", but they(women) just did not want to accept it or didn't understand the implied reasoning behind the excuses made by the guys.

Some of the common codes used to say the implied were:


- He just makes too many excuses.
- Says, "I am busy".
- Says, "Right now I have too many priorities to take care of".(on being questioned when are we getting married?)
- Will send text messages to say 'I miss you' or display affection after a prolonged gap of not being in contact after
a wonderful date.
- Says will call but doesn't.
- Asks you about your weekend plans and on knowing them replies with a cold 'Cool'.
- Says, "I am not ready".
- Says, "I don't want to ruin our friendship".
- Says, "I love you but I am not in love with you".

These easy to say, often heared words have some complex threads of truth to unravel.The following is how the codes are deciphered to give a clear picture of the truth in their respective orders:


- This simply, plainly, easily means that he just doesn't want to be with YOU.
- This means he is probably busy with other women, watching a game of baseball or any other god damn thing
under the sun but be with YOU.(He's just not that into you)
- The third says that you don't count as an vital part of my life and you are simply not my priority.
- The fourth and fifth mean that he is not even interested in hearing your voice.(How harsh is that!)
- The sixth means that my weekends are better off without you!
- I am not ready can mean many things:
~I am ready for sex but not for dating.
~I am not ready to give up the other two women in my life for you.
~Or, a plain 'You are not the girl'.
- The eighth means a rude 'You are not desirable'.Behrendt said that in the history of the usage of this excuse it has never been used for the right reasons.
- In the "I love you but I am not in love with you", the first i love you means I don't want to hurt your feelings and
the second evidently means that I am not in love with you.

The most bizzare excuse given by a guy to his girlfriend for not being in contact for long after he accidently bumped into her in a pub was "I dropped my phone into the toilet and lost all the numbers.I was so upset that I lost all the numbers"!!! The guy said on the show "I dont know where did this excuse come up from, but she actually believed it as I was very elaborate when I was explaining".So the next time if anybody's boyfriend said i dropped my phone into the toilet don't believe him.But, what are the chances of anyone saying anything weird and hopeless like this?!?!?! Probably many....one may never know!

Oprah's boyfriend stood her up and said "The problem is babydoll that you think you are special"Oprah reacted with a pinch of scorn, saying on the show "Where is he now, and where am I"!

There is this one guy who has different tiers of girlfriends for different days of the weeks. And their numbers are stored in his phone as:
~The Dream Team (girls he really wants to be with)
~The associates (girls he wouldn't mind talking to)
~Unfiled (girls he has got no business with after a while and doesn't care to even pick up their call)
Must say quite an organised guy!!!
For his weekends he has girls named as the 'Booty Call' whom he calls when he is drunk and going home after the party.

Mentioned him here as he says and so does the book that, if the guy really loves a woman he will make sure in every possible way to let her know and to show her that he loves her and treasures her.The guys validate their stand by saying that the truth is hard for them to say because they don't want to hurt the girl's feelings.They want to avoid the tears.

The best way out suggested for girls was to move on. When they know what they want, but don't get what they want, they should move on.They should raise the bar for themselves and move on and not lose out on the opportunity of meeting other good guys by sulking in the old realtionship. They should stop rationalising the guy's excuses.Realise the fact that they deserve honesty and good people in their life.A girl should not go out with a guy who does not ask her out first,keeps her waiting by the phone,always drinks or does drugs in front of her to the extent of making her uncomfortable,who has already rejected her,doesn't want to talk about their future together and is not a good,kind,loving, caring person.

Whatever be the codes......the answer is, "He's just not that into you"!!!